D. A. Howe

I Write What I Like

The Writing Group suggested that Twitter was a good thing. I avoided it for thirteen years, which seemed sensible considering the occasional news items I’d read online. (Re: Twitter is a cesspool of horribleness. People suck. Avoid at all costs.) In addition to the dire warnings about humanity’s behavior and what happens when we’re allowed to use our opposable thumbs to type things on a keyboard, I had developed my own dark, weird conspiracy theory about Twitter. (And Google, and Facebook.) They are responsible for global warming. Do you have any idea how big the server farms are to enable us to keep posting videos about babies, cats, and dogs doing cute things? And how much power they consume? The answer is a lot. A LOT.

Anyway, because the chances of me being proactive enough to write a unique Twitter entry are precisely zero, I have connected my blog to Twitter. Apparently WordPress will just send this entry here, to Twitter, way over there.

From there, I’ll see how long it takes before I lose complete interest. Wish me luck. And enjoy this video from Google that shows how big one data center is. Skip through to 2:04 so you can start saying, “Holy shirtballs. That’s big. Like really, really big.”

I am D. A. Howe, and I’m the world’s laziest blogger. Here’s another video from Wisecrack about how horror movies have evolved over time. I could have written an actual blog around similar themes (surrrreeeeeee), but why waste all that time when the Wisecrack channel does a much better job of it… (No, I am not a shill for Wisecrack.)

 

I’ve never hidden the fact that my Amazon rankings suck. A lot. But there are (I’m assuming) plenty of other people out there in the same boat. In an effort to cheer those people up (you know who are you) here’s some heart warming screenshots of my latest numbers from Amazon.

Personally, I feel a certain pride in where I’m positioned in the competitive Amazon author space. Take that all you losers selling your books and your soul for actual money!

The first screenshot is my author ranking. It kind of looks like the ECG of a person who had a heart attack. Then they managed to shock the person back to life. However, the diet and exercise have only been partially effective.

 

And here’s my sales ranking. Which looks like a very scary overdraft. Or the grades of a university student who is probably not going back next semester and the parents are very angry and also, why did you choose to do medicine Kevin, when you have no aptitude for it? Whhhhyyyyyy?

 

Anyone else out there sinking into the quagmire of scarily large numbers?  Leave a comment below because sharing is caring.

 

 

 

 

Here’s my theory of why the space race happened, why our interest in outer space declined, and how we can get to Mars based on nothing but a dream I had last night.

Interest in all things space related and the space race during the 1960s wasn’t due to competition between the Soviet Union and the USA. It was actually due to the horrendous recipes and food available in the 1960s.  Awful recipes ignited the creative and scientific spark in humans to get off the planet in a desperate attempt to escape the horror. Faced with the prospect of going home for dinner or developing new space technology, scientists in both parts of the world opted for the space stuff.

NASA: Going into space is really dangerous. And you could die.

ASTRONAUT: It’s Liver Sausage Pineapple tonight.

NASA: I see your point.

As the recipes disappeared from the collective consciousness, the drive to leave planet Earth also declined. Our only hope of setting up a colony on Mars is to bring back gelatin, mayonnaise, and processed meat shaped to look like fruit and vegetables.

Ban good looking, great tasting food and humanity will reach for the stars in a bid to avoid food related assaults on people’s eyeballs and taste buds!